I prefer blog posts with pictures.
You probably do too.
Sorry.
Haven’t posted in two months.
Sorry about that too.
Fatigue.
Like body is full of lead.
Diagnosis: Sjogren’s.
Autoimmune. No surprise.
Treatment? Still trying.
Life = Pain + Rest + Mindfulness + Gratitude
Mostly Hope
Writing? Freewriting. Journaling. Short stories (nothing finished).
This isn’t the life I imagined, but this is the life I have and I treasure it.
You too?
Social Joy by Josh Kilen: This book has changed the way I think about communication, relationships, and social interaction. It’s always seemed so mysterious to me, but Mr. Kilen likens interaction to story. Now I think of each text, or lunch or product review as adding another paragraph to our story.
Vienna — A Cultural History by Nicholas Parsons: I like books that are not just full of dry dates, but go into the how and why of events. It’s especially important when we’re talking about a culture we may be unfamiliar with. I found this book very interesting.
Dodger by Terry Pratchett: This made me want to write something historical. In the appendix at the end, Mr. Pratchett explains that this isn’t suppose to be an historical novel, but rather historical fantasy, something I guess I guess I hadn’t really thought of before. Does anybody know of other titles in this genre that they think are great?
A Story is a Promise by Bill Johnson: This is a great book. Lots of practical information as well as theory. If I ever make a list of my favorite writing books, this would be on it.
I’ve been trying to practice gratitude in my journal, and now I’d like to share with you.
I’m very grateful not only for my macbook, but also for the decal I just put on it. This picture doesn’t do it justice.
I got it from Decalgirl. It was exciting to find another artist whose work I love at first sight. Her name is Catalina Estrada. I love the bold shapes and contrasting colors. It makes me smile when I look at it.
photo from photogen
Let me tell you a story. It’s about an author, lying in bed among her laptop and cushions and cat. She stares at the screen, the little gremlins in her head keeping up a running monologue: “Nobody wants to listen to you. Nobody ever likes listening to you. They get bored when they even try. It’s because there’s something innately wrong with you. They can tell. So what you’re doing doesn’t make one lick of difference, because no one is ever going to read a word of it.”
Gremlins like to talk in absolutes: “no one,” “ever,” “never.” Even if it only happens occasionally, they’ll say it “always” happens. Very few things in this world are absolute, especially things like friends, readers, followers, or self-image.
Then she remembers. This darkness of the mind comes to her when she’s sick. The next time you get a bout of the flu or a really bad cold, pay attention to your thoughts. See if they differ at all from the days when you’re feeling healthy. So our heroine says, “It’s time to take care of myself. The pressure to produce will only make me sicker.”
It’s been more than a week since I’ve worked on my novel. It’s not depression, but sheer physical exhaustion. The kind of fatigue where my arms were too heavy to move about to type on the laptop as I was lying there. I don’t write, however, to sell a manuscript and provide readers with a story (although, I think it’s a very fine reason). I write because I have an emotional setting inside me that says I must do this. There’s no way for me to switch that lever off. So on those days when I absolutely can’t, I just know I have to take care of myself so that later on I can. Stressing about it won’t help. Sometimes we can change our circumstances and sometimes we just have to except what we have with long-suffering.
So, what are some ways of taking care of ourselves? Everybody should have their own list. Here’s some of mine.
What do you do when you need some downtime?
I only write about the books I’ve read all the way through. So I read a lot this month, but haven’t finished any one particular book to mention here except these.
50 Photo Projects — Ideas to Kickstart Your Photography by Lee Frost: I’m glad I got this book. He focuses on having fun and experimenting with your camera, rather than on getting technically perfect shots.
Tom Brown at Oxford by Thomas Hughes — A slow victorian book set in the 1840s, the sequel to Tom Brown’s School Days. I like these kinds of stories for reading at night when I don’t want anything to exciting. The author gets a bit preachy at times, like many writers did during that period, but I’ll be getting the next in the series if I can.
I just took Vivienne McMaster’s Montage course.
It was just one of those wild fling things. I’d just gotten an iPhone and realized I could get an imovie app and make videos with it. The imovie app is a lot more limited than the kind you get on a mac computer, but it was enough to make this.
Nine Lives Of Dr Purr from C. E. Bahnsen on Vimeo.
It’s amazing how our emotions and our physical health rule the way we think about the world. It’s like putting on spectacles with glass of various shades and distortions.
Today I did some writing, caught up on the online photo and video classes I’m taking, even exercised, and now I’ve got on the rosy-colored glasses that says ‘everything’s going alright, and it’s all a clear road from here on in.’ I know these voices. I’ve heard them often.
The way I see it, neither the rosy-colored lens or the dark blue kind are true. (The dark blue kind tell you that you aren’t worth anything and everything you do stinks so you might as well just sit in a darkened room eating cookies.) It’s all in how we look at it, and in the internal and external things that distort our lenses. Sickness is a big distortioner for me (Yes, I know that’s not a real word. I couldn’t find a better one. I even looked in the thesaurus.). The sicker I am the more morbid my thoughts become. In fact, when my thoughts become morbid I stop and take stock of how I’m feeling; it’s that invariable.
I’m going to enjoy the feeling of the rose-tinted glasses fully knowing that may not even last the night and certainly won’t last till tomorrow. I’m going now to eat dinner, maybe read a book.
Sometimes life is just about showing up.
Discovered my work wasn’t backed up. Lost too many things in the past. Have to stop and figure out programs and options.
I’m grateful humans learn and build and improve and figure out new ways of doing things, but I’m impatient when technology doesn’t work the way I want it. I’m not savvy when it comes to the more complicated forms of tech, I’m a slow learner in any case, so this will probably take all weekend.
Slumped on the sofa with crocheted blankets and watched Champagne for Caesar. Gray, achy weather that didn’t help anything.
Having a need to change my surroundings too. Moved my bed about. Wanting to change and spruce things up. My room is dark in winter. The seasons aren’t as well-defined here in the desert as it is in some places, but I sense the changes. This is fall going into winter. The movement of the sun changes. I feel the need for change and cleaning at this period of time even more than in spring.
Anyhoo, sometimes we just need to let off steam. Thanks.
Daring Greatly — How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
by Brene’ Brown: I’ve read The Gifts of Imperfection several times. It’s one of my favorites. Well, this is a companion or sequel to it, although you don’t have to have read her other books before reading this one. It stands well on its own.
I like to think of this as a troubleshooting guide. In The Gifts of Imperfection she talks about ten guide posts to living a Wholehearted life and the things that gets in the way of practicing those ten things. This book goes into more detail about the things that get in the way, the armor we put on, the habits that sabotage us when we’re trying to lead a full, joyful life.
Unlike a lot of ‘self-help’ books that document a person’s theories and that don’t always ring true for me, she forms her theories from her research (and she’s an excellent researcher). She even writes about how she researches if you’re interested. This and The Gifts of Imperfection are definitely recommended.
Rabbit Stew and A Penny or Two — A Gypsy family’s hard and happy times on the road in the 1950s
by Maggie Smith-Bendell: A memior. I love learning about the way people live. Ms. Smith-Bendell writes in a clear, conversational way that made me want to keep on reading. She is a Romani Gyspy born and raised in England, and she writes about her life as a child traveling with her family as well as her later years spent helping other Gypsies to get approval to use the land they bought. (As I understand it, in England you can buy land, but then the local council has to approve permits for what use the land will be put. If I’m wrong on this I’m sure someone will say so.) A very interesting read.
Zentangle untangled by Kass Hall: This was the first Zentangle book I found for the Kindle. I don’t generally like to draw, but I like the idea of set patterns and focusing on the act of drawing rather than the finished product. It reminded me of when I was very young sitting at a kid-sized table focusing so much on the act of drawing that I didn’t notice the other kids and the noise and activities that were going on around me. It was a refreshing feeling.
Journalution by Sandy Grason: This has some good prompts that I’ve used in my own personal journaling.
The Borrowers by Mary Norton: How did I miss this gem when I was a kid? I know, it was because as a kid I was trying to adult books and missed out on a lot of very good children’s and YA fiction.
Of course, I’d seen movies and knew the general concept, but I think the book is far superior. I also got it on audio book; I liked it that much.